You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
