Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
