So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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