4 words: hood of his car
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
