I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We are two peas in an std pod
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
