so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
