i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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