I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
