singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
