dude i'm inner monologue high
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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