I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
