i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think your dad took our porno
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize