drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
where am i from again
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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