Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
