does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
