Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize