so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
