Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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