Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
