My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
