"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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