i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
