If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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