Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
