wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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