dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
