so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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