Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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