pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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