So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
