at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
