I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
