i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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