my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
