need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
