you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize