He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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