Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
