So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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