i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
