i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
