Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We got so high we made milksteak
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
