I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
