I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
