Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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