Someone shit on the floor
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
