i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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