Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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