I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
