Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
