I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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