Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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