So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
as a side note pls kill me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
