Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
