my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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