thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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