Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
