Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
