I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
