Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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