so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
