did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
