WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
