new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
