Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
