OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
